Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
