good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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