At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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