My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
