Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
