Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize