im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
