when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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