You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
