I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
