My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
