I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize