i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
