I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
