Welp...herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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