My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Plan B is the new Plan A
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
