Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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