When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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