you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
