My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
