He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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