Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
