i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
