Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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