Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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