she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
