She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
