I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's never too late to be topless.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
