Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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