A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize