I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
