bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize