Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
