and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
