i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
