Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i want to swaddle you in tequila
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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