You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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