Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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