Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
