there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
