i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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