Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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