My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
time to smoke my breakfast
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize