Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
