yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
