bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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