I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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