She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
