last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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