Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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