I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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