You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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