I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize