FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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