woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My cat gives me a boner
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
