before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
