remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
