You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
