hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
