I hate all girls vehemently.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
