Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
