Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
