The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
