SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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