im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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