I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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