So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
