would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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