All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
