It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
