just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
