i think my tv is drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize