You're so nebulous sometimes
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
