it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
