There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize