I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
