Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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