my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
