im having a threesome with these popsicles
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
