I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
this hospital has no fireball
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize